[in progress]

finals

2009-12-11T04:43:18Z

7 days (+ 15 weeks) wasted
7 more days left

switch ON.
can't afford to waste any more time...

Darker than Black Season 2

2009-10-20T08:24:46Z

流星の双子

Of course, I had to think of and look up for season 2 just when I was crazy busy with projects, papers, and midterm,
and get caught up with it and search for all episodes, season 1 episodes, and opening and ending songs, as well.
orz

Summing up all information from season 1 and about the season 2 protagonist,

Hei is lolicon. Confirmed, no dispute.

今は本当のおやじになちゃった。
真っ黒おやじって。悲しいなあ…まだ青春だろう。
ひげのついてだけもちょっと何かして見て。 훈훈 청년으로 돌아와줘 T.T
Bring Yin back already, too. I don't want Hei without Yin :'(

And of course, I had to look up Gintama, too.

銀ちゃん T.T
つくよさんもずっと出てくれてよかった。

まあ、また現実に。
アニメやポップスや、後で…ああああとで。
今はこんなロックショリなんかないからね。

頑張るよ。
また負けないように。

perfect guidance

2009-10-08T07:41:44Z

so many things going around; so many problems, so many worries
all resolved
see? God works through everything--even my most horrible mistakes.
other things will come up without rest, of course, but I will be fine. as long as I live true..
no compromise to mediocrity. absolutely none.

次のターゲット：サプレのあの子。
とても似ているのでちょっとびっくりしまった。まあ…そんな人については少し分かってると思うけど。違うかな、まだわから。
こちらは気付いたが、そちらはどうかわからないね。たしかぜんぜん気もしないでいるでしょ。ちょっとおかしいかな。ん。
でもやはり、話せて友達になったらよかったと思う。できるかな。できたいなあ…

on to work. Hell weeks have begun... I've been trying so hard to deny that it's here, only to find myself screwed to the max at this point where I can't help but come back to reality. and of course, I'm getting more and more distracted right at this time. :D

so this weekend: prolly an all nighter after Gethsemane, meeting in the morning, library all day till it closes, all nighter at studio or unit lounge, church, Peet's till 9, Holy Time, collapse. I just hope I don't sleep during those hours when I should be studying... please. my body's starting to demand more and more sleep again...orz

필승. 제발 공부 좀 하자...

+ I'm unconsciously looking for you and worrying about you again. 미친거겠지? so, so pitiable... after all those things. 今でも、あまり変わらずに。もう止まれたらいいのに。

DONE

2009-05-21T19:36:38Z

T_T hallelujah.

turned in the last final exam 4 minutes before the deadline. sad thing is, i ran into 3 other kids turning theirs in at the same time as i... including me, that's like 10% of the class... and i'm sure a lot more people came in right before and after me... sad. no, i refuse to live my next three years as an architecture major like this. T_T i am going to stop procrastinating, i am going to learn to work fast and efficiently, and i am going to get good. >:) i've got the strongest 빽 in the universe, right? ♥

to do now:
1. shower
2. write a card for sue ann
3. wash dishes
4. kang hoon & sue ann's graduations -- get a flower for sue ann?
5. organize folders and clean up the room
6. PACK
7. LAUNDRY
8. write cards for the seniors
9. wait for the fail grades

ahaha.

何月後で読めば笑えられるかな

2009-05-12T02:24:24Z

伝えられなかった手紙
思いだけだった返事
心の中で腐って燃えてしまった言葉、考え

「ありがたかった」と、いつかは言えるでしょう。

For now, thanks for stop pretending that you care.

これから君のこと思うこと、fasting gogo.

＊Tim's jalapeno potato chips are evil. I ate them in the morning, and they are still not broken down in my system, torturing my stomach. あまりからくないと朝から食べたのがミスだった…！orz

クールレディーになる

2009-05-11T09:06:10Z

고마워.
バイバイ。

私はただ、これがあなたの志になるように願うだけ。

I feel, though, that I'm just being a coward and taking the easier route...
Still, I don't know what else to do.

Strengthen me. Give me wisdom. I don't know, I don't know. I can't.
I only trust You.

---you would have no idea

2009-05-10T05:10:42Z

息苦しい
助けてくれよ

優しかった日差しは今は強くなって、もう強くすぎで
私を燃えさせる。心臓からおもむろに、はっきりと。
少しずつ、早く、乾いて行く

助けて

it's okay

2009-04-27T04:14:56Z

because He loves me even if you do not love me
because He heals the wounds that you gave me
because He sees my tears
because He hears my cries
because He listens to all my thoughts and wishes

You will always be with me. You will never abandon me.
You will touch and heal my scars. You will fill up this hole.

You love me always, forever, regardless of how unlovable and ugly I am, regardless of my sins and mistakes.

I love You. I love You. I love You.

I WANT TO DRAW

2009-02-05T12:10:03Z

Let me draw, not get drowned by this huge reader or weird collage assignments...T.T

I really want to draw. Looking at my last posting with a drawing, I realized for how long I haven't been drawing... Or even doodling. And whenever I do a little bit, it makes me so sad that I got even worse ?!! orz Saad.

It's 3:48 a.m. right now, but apparently there still are other people awake on my floor... Why aren't you guys sleeping. Why aren't I sleeping. So, so much work. I wish I could read and write at the speed of light. Too bad I do them at the speed of a snail. :'(

KCCC talent show and bowling tomorrow. Thanks to the talent show, open chapel will end early tomorrow... I do want to go bowling and hang out with people, but I shouldn't. I'm rather glad that I have a valid excuse to not go (I'm staying up right now, I have a packed day tomorrow--or today, I'll be super tired, I won't be able to get up the next morning if I stay up late again, I have a test at 8 a.m. and I can't miss it). I'll come back right after chapel and sleep early. I just hope my roommie's boy friend doesn't come over again, like he's been for the past 2 weeks. :( I'm paying the same rent for this room, you know.

My throat hurts because I was cracking up horribly at Julie's text. It's painful.

I want to...
    play racquetball
    go shopping for Mushroom's gift
    see him
    not think about him so much
    not think about her so much
    not be mad
    not be jealous
    be humble
    be patient
    be loving
    be wise
    be mature
    be creative
    get Amanda's chocolate chip cookiesss omg

Ok, I'll ace the Japanese test on Friday and go to 4th Street. Maybe I'll drop by Blick's, too. Then on my way back, I'll drop by Amanda's, and get the bell peppers and chocolate bars at Safeway... Yay.

Time to be productive! >:)

:: I hate packing

2008-08-20T19:09:38Z

Seems like my dorm room will be more packed than I'd like it to be. Ugh.

Back to packing. Time flies by so fast... 내일 모레 글피.

:: hey, I never knew I was so capable of getting mad over a movie casting

2008-08-06T06:03:41Z

Borders today, to get Breaking Dawn.

I knew I shouldn't look at the Twilight shirts as soon as I was alert that they had the pictures of the casts for the movie printed on them--I knew it would damage my pictures of Edward and Bella. Too bad curiosity won. I permitted myself only a glimpse, knowing how big of an impact it could have if I examined them carefully, yet even that was enough to absolutely seriously utterly unforgivably deforme my images. I don't know who the actor and actress are, but how dare they even try to play the characters. How could they. It just totally infuriated me. Seriously, why did the producer even bother to try to use human actors? It's just impossible to find a human being who can play up a character in the novel (a vampire character, at least). An animated film would serve much, much better, though it still wouldn't be good enough for everybody. Right, I didn't watch the movie yet (and probably won't unless someone somehow succeeds to make me watch it), but just the fact that some humans played the characters makes me hate the film. I don't have anything personal against the actors--I don't even know their names, and I won't bother to find it out since it will only make me really develop some negative feelings toward them. Maybe they are great actors. But, sorry, your external features aren't great enough to bring the characters to bloom. No one's are. It's just so wrong that somebody would try to pretend they're Edward Cullen and Bella Swan. And the other vampires. You can't disgrace them like that. No way. Gahh, it will take a while before my images heal... Gosh I should stop thinking about that shirt with huge picture of "Edward". Whoever designed the shirts, I hate you. You have no sense of design, no appreciation of aesthetics.

Okay, done babbling.
It's nothing special, but it feels so weird to be so heated up about something normal, to care about what normal people do... I've been in the shade of doujin, not really caring about mainstream stuff, for quite a long time. Being a freak isn't normal, is it? lol

And of course, I stopped by the Graphic Novels section. Only to look at Blood+ manga, though. I love Hagi as ever. T_T

:: I thought I'd be a safe driver after that many car accidents I've had

2008-08-05T03:37:06Z

but my recklessness was too great for that to happen, I guess.

I got my driver's license last Wednesday.
Dad was sick and didn't go to work today, sleeping through the whole day.
I had to go out to K town for an appointment at the orthodontist's.
The car key was so visibly placed on top of the piano.

Well, he said he would let it pass even if the car key and I disappeared simultaneously on Saturday mornings, when he usually sleeps in... It's only that it was Monday afternoon. No big deal, right? |D

Seems like I got over my driving phobia. I ran well above the speed limit and felt it wasn't fast enough. I just felt a bit uncomfortable when the bus was right next to me. Maybe it's because of that driving of Steven's on Saturday.. 90 mph and that crazy lane change skillz.

I arrived at the orthodontist's office and turned left to enter the parking lot, but the sight said the rate was $1 per 15 minutes. I turned right back out without thinking, but I'm not really good at turning and I was running on the wrong lane. Thank God the street was empty. It's usually busy with reckeless K town drivers. I parked instead in the library parking lot a block away from the office.

As I was getting out of the library parking lot, I mistook the accelerator for the brake. I found the right pedal right away, thank God again, but wow, that scared me. My back hurt from the sudden strain.

I kind of daydreamed for a sec or two, and my mind didn't really process what the traffic light's change of color from green to orange to red meant. I only came to senses when I was halfway into the street. Couldn't stop or back off, of course. My heart beat like crazy and I just hoped so desperately that there weren't any traffic cameras on Rossmore. And at that moment I realized I was, after all, sadly and awfully like my dad--every time he violates traffic light, he has to go back and check that the street didn't have any cameras; I would have, except I haven't yet practiced U turns and wanted to keep the mileage increase as low as possible. I don't think he would be too amused to know that I drove to K town by myself around rush hour. Well... I didn't see any flash and no cop followed me, so I guess I'm okay. Thank God, yet again, no car on the opposite lane turned left and I wasn't on Doheny and Olympic...

I don't know how many human and automobile lives, including my dad's car's and my own, I risked today. I really was lucky that I didn't crash anything, anyone. I'm not telling anything about this to my parents... Not until after ten years, at least. Definitely not. I can't die yet. |D;;

I'll drive safely. I will. No murders, for sure.

:: ohmigosh

2008-04-26T05:10:05Z

Dear Leadership Award Applicant,

I am very pleased to inform you that you have been selected as an awardee for the California Alumni Association Leadership Award Alumni Scholarship for the 2008-09 academic year!

oh my
oh God
@!(#%(@!!!! T_T

Read the first part of the email (I am very pleased to inform you....), couldn't believe my eyes, read the whole sentence, then ran out to the living room and shouted at my dad, "SCHOLARSHIP!!! BERKELEY!! I GOT IT!!!"

So, so happy and grateful. More so because my interview was absolutely horrible (I got so nervous... As I always do when I meet new people or attract attention o<-<) and wasn't expecting at all to get it. This couldn't have happened in any way other than by God's grace. XD I believe this is a sign telling me to go to Cal lol.

I was 99.9% determined to go to Cal after I visited it, but then last night my mom got serious and basically tried to dissuade me from going to Cal. I was confused (though everything she said to dissaude me was exactly what I had been worrying about, and though I firmed up my mind despite all that). My dad, too, wants me to stay in L.A., yet still he told me to choose where I wanted to go, and he'd follow my decision. I was never so grateful to my dad. Support from parent and friends... I really have to study hard and succeed.

He surely did change a lot. :)

And my grades! I thought it was now impossible to get an A in govt, but it's not!! I know the AP is in two weeks and we won't be doing much after that, but I'll really work hard for the last two months, at least. (Yeah, after a semester and a half of a serious senioritis, finally?) And I'm getting an A in chem, too!! Oh my. How is this happening? It's not like I've been studying any harder than last semester? I've actually been even more lax? Wah. Should keep it up, in any case.

Seriously, I even considered stop worrying about grades and just get straight B's. Now I'm motivated a bit to do work. Lol

My mom's supportive now, too lol "Why should you not be able to do it when 30,000 other kids are doing it?"

Yeah, I'll be frank and confess that I'm scared. It will be really tough. But I'm not gonna give up or fall back. Never.

Thank You. :)

:: just saw Target 187

2008-03-31T00:04:05Z

SM PLAY?!

Modify the lines ⇒ a scene from a 4827 doujinshi

Wow. Amano...o<-<

I totally think Spanner is an S.
Which makes me like him all the more.
Can't help loving psycho characters. |')

::

2008-03-22T07:02:46Z

>A happy b-day doodle for someone I know online. We’re not really close, but I just thought I’d do something for her to express my gratitude for providing a refuge for me when I was quite unstable. I mean, she didn’t make that community particularly for me, but I became a part of the community, and the place made me feel that I belonged somewhere and helped me settle down a bit. My owner character(s) wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for that community. too. Also, it’s her 18th (19th by the Korean way and hence the pose) birthday. So.
But man this drawing’s so silly. XD

On the right: Ditis. Represents the owner, ditis. Reticent, almost expressionless, shy.
Eye color: violet/blue/black; dark
On the left: Dis, Ditis 2P. Comes out when the owner goes psycho. Violent, cynical, more expressions.
Eye color: violet/red; bright
Neither has a gender. Closer to male, though, I guess--will use the pronoun "he" for convenience. |D;

I didn't really think to give Dis a separate name at first (I used to call him "the psycho one") . I just randomly thought I would simply to make it easier to distinguish between the two. So, the first part of my username for the 2P. Simple. haha

Ditis doesn't look like ditis at all. The only physical similarity between us is that both of us have sleepy eyes |D haha.
I wish I were neither male nor female like Ditis, though. (Right, I made him genderless cuz I wanted to be so lol)
Should draw the full profile pix... Later.

:: want to see cherry blossoms

2008-02-29T05:30:11Z

Not quite the colors I wanted.

舞い落ちる花弁で
君が霞んで行く

忘れはしないさ
また逢える涙はふこう

それぞれの夢を叶えに行こうよ

BTool's so hard to use...orz
Might need to uninstall and then reinstall tablet driver.. My lines are all squiggly.
Esp. on BTool and Photoshop...
Gotta move the stylus really fast to make them not so wiggly.
Adjusting the settings doesn't help.
orz 귀찮아 T_T

:: stop drawing only bust-up

2008-02-27T06:13:05Z

The epitome of my predilection

Nayatrei from the online MMORPG, TalesWeaver / the novel, 룬의 아이들.

Yes, she's a cooldere.
Yes, she's silver-haired.
Yes, she's violet-eyed.
Uh, she's also dark-skinned and.. fo-fourteen years old.
But NO, AGE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY LOVING HER. REALLY.
~~...I think her petit size has more to do with it.~~
And she's also the assanssin type. TWO-SWORDED! 8D♥

But seriously, in all aspects (both inside and outside), she has almost everything that I am fascinated with/admire.
Strong, independent, disciplined, calm, prudent, loyal, keen,
and, though she doesn't look like it (cuz she has almost no expression), very caring.

"That which does not kill me makes me stronger"
--Fredrick Nietzche
Nayatrei's quote.

:: TSU NA !!!

2008-02-18T04:53:33Z

T_T
That little dame-hervibore has grown this much
이 누나는 네가 자랑스럽구나.

I think I'm kinda going shotakon, too. o<-< pahaha
Fight fight 10代目!!! Knock off the enemies ウオォォォォォォォォォォ

::

2008-02-16T05:42:31Z

wishing, wishing

あなたの亡骸に土をかける
それが禁じられていたとしても
純粋なまなざしの快楽には
隠しきれない誘惑があった

どうして罪があるのだろう
どうして罰があるのだろう

骨の尖はあまりにも白く
無限につづく闇をさそった
何もかもがあざやかにみえて
すぐに消えてしまう

あなたの思い出に鍵をかける
それが損なわれていたとしても
狂おしい愛情の奥底には
抑えきれない衝動があった

かけらをひろい集めながら
夢の終わりを待っていた

罪があるのは諦めているから
罰があるのは求めすぎるから
何もかもが置き去りにされて
まわる　まわりつづける

朝がくれば笑えるだろうか
あの日のように笑えるだろうか
失くしたものは何ひとつないと
願う　願いつづける

:: ...what kind of a psycho

2008-02-13T00:18:58Z

burns down a national treasure because of a grudge against the government for unsatisfactory land remuneration?

An old man in his seventies. He had set a fire on a part of Chang gyeong goong, a palace built in the late 1400's; that time, the fire was caught pretty easily, and the damage cost only about 4000 USD. He was outraged at the government about the land remuneration, and wanted to attract the attention of the society. He had considered terror attacking a subway, but abandoned the idea because it would cost too many human lives. Wow, how moralistic.

Well. First, you don't set fire on a building, especially one that's in the middle of a densely populated city, just because you're mad at your government. Second, any normal person with average intelligence would know that it is very hard to catch a fire burning a wooden building. Third, you should know better than to set fire on a national treasure. A national treasure. The national treasure number one. Fourth, even if you didn't know Namdaemoon was a national treasure, you should still know that it's an important building if you were born, went to school, and have been living for more than 70 years in that country. Fifth, burning down a building, whether it's a national treasure or not, doesn't do you any good nor anything horrible to the government. In case of a national treasure, it breaks the hearts of many people and hurts national integrity; in case of a normal building, people may die, lose their workplaces, or suffer a financial loss. In either case, you commit a crime; hurt other, innocent people; and advertise that you're a psycho.

And this should be a lesson for the government to protect our treasures better. Right, no one could have predicted this kind of craziness, but anything can happen, right?

Angry, sad, and embarrassed at the same time.

lllorz Why.... Korea....T_T

:: an overnight fire

2008-02-11T08:54:45Z

(photo from wikipedia.org)
Soong rye moon (숭례문), or Namdaemoon (남대문, the South Big Gate), Korean National Treasure No. 1, burned down.

The fire could have started because of a short circuit, or because of arson. The police is investigating.

I never cared so much for the historical building when I was in Korea
(partly because it was always there, partly because I wasn't interested in those stuffs back then),
but looking at it collapsing so sadly even made my heart hurt.
Really, it hurt.

Now the most ancient architectural piece in Seoul is gone.
It probably can be restored, but it won't be the same 숭례문 as before,
the same 숭례문 that has always been standing there since 1398,
witnessing the history and withstanding all those years.

I wish I were interested enough (or mature enough to be interested)
to be able to appreciate those kinds of things back when I was in Korea,
when my family traveled around so much to see those beautiful buidings and scenery,
when I could research actively about Korean history and arts and visit places to see their monuments.
I guess I still could at least research, but I don't have enough time yet.
Will I ever? I hope so.

Maybe I love the country more heartily only because I left it.
In that aspect, too, I'm really grateful that I'm in another country.

I see myself increasingly interested in Korean history and arts. Or just history and arts in general.
...Maybe I'll really end up majoring in archaeology or anthropology? lol
한옥 + modern architecture will be so fun, too... Ahh I don't know.

As of now, I should just read a lot,
and worry about the current events...because the folder's due this Friday, and I'm 13 behind. |D;;
lllorz 몇일 밤을 새서라도 다 해가야 해 this is a fight with myself 아자아자 필승!!

:: until

2008-02-05T03:10:04Z

it is no more a "waste of time".

Late start tomorrow!!! XDXDXD
Thank you, sophomores. WAHAHAT

Writer's Block: Super Bowl 2008

2008-02-04T21:04:46Z

Did you watch the Super Bowl last night? Who did you watch it with?

View 500 Answers

No, but I heard my neighbor watching it and bellowing. Like, "#*)%*!#&$!@)$!!!!!!!"
....
It was amusing. lol

I actually didn't even know it was yesterday until late last week. I still didn't know what time it would be on until I heard my neighbor. Only then I knew, "Ah, the Super Bowl's on." (I've heard him get excited while watching a sports show several times before)

I would watch a football game if Deimon played. HAHAHA ~~you dork~~

:: the Red Devil

2008-01-19T06:02:04Z

~~on my door steps, I wish~~
붉은악마 lol

Shayṭān, شيطان
-"adversary", "enemy", "opponent"
-"adversarial", "opposing", "evil"
-Shaitan; Satan

Allah --> Angels, Jinns and Humans
1) Angels
       -do not have free will + do not sin--do not know how to
2) Jinns or Djinns
       -free choice between good and evil; created from smokeless fire
       -supernatural creatures/spirits
              -genie/jinni/djinni/djini
3) Humans
       -free choice between good and evil; created from mud

Iblis, إبليس
-"despair"; "he/it that causes despair"
-from the Greek "Diabolos"?

-a jinn
-pious and humble in the beginning; high status + given powers close to that of the angels

-disobeys Allah's order to prostrate to Adam:
       And We created you [humans], then fashioned you, then told the angels: Fall ye prostrate before Adam!
       And they fell prostrate, all save Iblis, who was not of those who made prostration.
       He [Allah] said: What hindered thee that thou didst not fall prostrate when I bade thee?
       He [Iblis] said: I am better than him. Thou createdst me of fire while him Thou didst create of mud.
                     --Qur'an 7:11-12
-damnation to Hell; respite until the Judgement Day:
       He [Allah] said: Then go down hence! It is not for thee to show pride here, so go forth! Lo! thou art of those degraded.
       He [Iblis] said: Reprieve me till the Day [of Judgement] when they are raised [from the dead].
       He [Allah] said: Lo! thou art of those reprieved.
       He [Iblis] said: Now, because Thou hast sent me astray, verily I shall lurk in ambush for them on Thy Right Path. Then
             I shall come upon them from before them and from behind them and from their right hands and from their left hands,
             and Thou wilt not find most of them beholden [unto Thee].
       He [Allah] said: Go forth from hence, degraded, banished. As for such of them as follow thee, surely I will fill hell with
             all of you.
                     --Qur'an 7:14-18

-"the sneaking whisperer, Who whispereth in the hearts of mankind, Of the jinn and of mankind" to commit sin.
(Qur'an Chapter 114)

Azazel
عزازل (Azazil)
עזאזל (Aze'ezel)
      -‘āzaz, "to be strong" + ’ēl, "God"
-"God has been strong" or "God strengthens"
-metaphorically: "impudent" (i.e., strengthened against someone)
      -"impudent to God"
-Azael, Aziel, Asiel

-appears in Hebrew scriptures and Apocrypha
-one of the chief Grigori, a group of fallen angels

-"The whole earth has been corrupted through the works that were taught by Azazel: to him ascribe all sin." (1 Enoch 8:1)
-"And Azazel taught men to make swords and knives and shields and breastplates; and made known to them the metals [of the earth] and the art of working them; and bracelets and ornaments; and the use of antimony and the beautifying of the eyelids; and all kinds of costly stones and all colouring tinctures. And there arose much godlessness, and they committed fornication, and they were led astray and became corrupt in all their ways." (1 Enoch 8:1-3a)

-God -> Raphael: “bind Azazel hand and foot and cast him into the darkness: and make an opening in the desert — which is in Dudael — and cast him therein. And place upon him rough and jagged rocks, and cover him with darkness, and let him abide there forever, and cover his face that he may not see light.”

-God: “On the day of the great judgement he shall be cast into the fire. […] The whole earth has been corrupted through the works that were taught by Azazel: to him ascribe all sin." (1 Enoch 2:8)

Hmm. Same person(?), quite different stories.

Everything copied + pasted from Wikipedia. I love this website.

But then what is 蒼氷の石?
Something Heika made up, perhaps?
I doubt it, though... He usually doesn't make up items if the story's about a historical event/myth.
Gotta do more research. Later...
How he loves history. lol

And what a good student I would be if I studied and did my work with this sort of interest/ardor. | D......orz

:: Hello 2008

2008-01-02T02:50:52Z

Good bye, 2007.

I can't say it was a very happy year,
but I learned and realized lots of very important things and met many good people.
Thank you. :)

I won't step back. I won't stay where I am.
I'll keep walking on... I will not give up.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! XD